Observing

I had the good fortune to be a part of my beautiful and wise friend Roxanne's contemplative prayer small group a few months back. If you ever have the chance to sit in Roxanne's radiance, by all means, do. You will not be sorry, I promise. This very small group was not a chatty, lay your issues on the table collection of women. We gathered to practice prayer. 

Roxanne lead us through different experiences of prayer each week over the course of six. She encouraged us to keep an "examen" journal during the fortyish days we were a part of the group. We were instructed to draw a line down the middle of the page and write "desolutions" on the top left and "consolations" on the top right. Each evening, we were to jot down the things that "drained life" on the left and "gave life" on the right. It didn't take me long to see a pattern developing. Almost daily, I tried to cram too much activity into too little time. I'm a chronoptimist. However, when I fail to get it all done, (and it's never, ever done) I find myself frustrated, overwhelmed and feeling like a disappointment. I would experience at least one of these feelings in a day and sometimes all three, or worse. Where am I going wrong? Where is my time misspent? Why do I move at half speed in the morning and why is there so much dog hair? I stopped keeping the journal after the group because I got tired of writing the same thing on the left side. 

As a part of the group, we made efforts (or thought about making efforts) to slow down and eliminate "hurry" among other encouragements toward mindful living. We spent time in silence, we used our imaginations as we engaged scripture, we prayed through a labyrinth. We read scripture and listened for a word or phrase that spoke to our hearts to carry throughout the day. Meeting each week kept these ideas in the fore of my mind and I really loved practicing these ancient but new-to-me methods of prayer. 

I was especially fond of listening to scripture with an ear toward my "word" for the day. Following in Roxanne's footsteps, instead of a piece of paper I would inevitably lose, I wrote the word on my wrist. I would see it again and again throughout the day and it would help me remember. 

As we opened our Bibles and read from Leviticus this morning, the word "observe" captured my attention. So, I wrote it down. And, while it was an ordinary day that included sibling spats, way too much laundry, and of course dog hair, I found myself remembering what I read earlier. This is a small victory most days! At suppertime, I asked each of my three if they were impacted by their "word for the day". I got one confused and baffled look, one clear "no" and one "sort of". Oh well, we will try again tomorrow. 

So, no water turned to wine (I wish) but I will say, having this word in a place I could see again and again, was a helpful tool to meditate on truth and pay attention to what's going on beneath the surface. As Lent rolls on and I'm not eating this or not wearing that, I want to make sure I don't just go through the motions. So, I'm adding this practice of listening (& writing) into my Lenten practice in the hope of a heart better attuned.