Digging in the Dirt

I found it hard this time, not to consider spiritual things when I pushed that tiny seed underneath the earth and into darkness. In a few months time, we will be nourished by what it becomes. I usually take the whole process for granted. 

Not this year. And I sure reflected on it today, with all the rain and my own insides feeling the same. I don't know what came over me but it felt like a black cloud and I couldn't shake it. I really wanted to reach for something I've given up for the next 30ish days. Something to comfort. Something warming from the crushed grape family. 

It's an easy go-to. But I didn't. I sat on my bed and pouted and prayed. I never could shake the cloud until the evenings end. That didn't feel very good and I never did figure it out. 

My daughters are feeding me new music now. And, as I brushed their hair before bed, I listened and realized I needed to remember. 

That this whole thing is a journey. That the transformation isn't up to me. That I need Jesus and his life for mine. That taking a hard look inside, sometimes feels like digging in the dirt. 

Here's the song that helped me remember truth today. It will be my anthem tomorrow.